Wait, wait: I made up a joke this morning:
Q: How many stupid people does it take to change a light bulb?
A: A lot.
We are living in a country of liars, so it is no surprise that both Stevil and McCullen claim to have not thrown away my pizza that was in the fridge. But then how to explain my pizza sitting in the garbage yesterday morning? Obviously, I did not throw my own pizza away, but both of these AWFUL, MISERABLE LIARS FROM HELL protest that it was not they who threw away my pizza. That pizza had pepperoni on it, you horrible assholes. Also, Stevil suggests that maybe OK Tiger threw my pizza away when she cleaned our living room Sunday morning. Well, that’s one of the thinnest cover-ups I’ve heard in some time, for about a million reasons, not the least of which is the fact that my pizza was not in the living room, but further backed up by the fact that this was a new bag of garbage that was not put into the garbage can until late Monday night. Nevertheless, I have no hope of finding the truth. If the United States Government is incapable of finding out who leaked Valerie Plame’s identity to the press, how am I, with my super-intelligence but limited resources, supposed to discover which of these homosexuals put my pizza into the garbage and then LIED ABOUT IT?
I HATE YOU SO MUCH.
Here’s a new joke:
Q: What do Stevil, McCullen, Mexicans, and women have in common?
A: I hate all of them.