There is a lot of circulating gossip on who would be whose running mate when the primaries are said and done. “Oooh, a Dean-Clark ticket would be good.” “Oooh, a Kerry-Edwards ticket would be good.” “Oooh, a Kucinich-Sharpton, or better yet, Sharpton-Kucinich ticket, now that would send a message!” are the types of things that people are saying.

And yet, since all we are doing is voicing our IDEAL candidate pairings, how come no one, not one single person, has yet mentioned the totally perfect Alien-Predator ballot? Strong on defense, focused on family values, with balanced foreign policy experience, and a stranglehold on the small but powerful rastafarian constituency.

I’ve also got the perfect lawn poster:

Alien-Predator in 2004
“We will either eat George W. Bush. or kill him when we self-destruct our thermal-nuclear device.”

Imagine the debate! Shortest presidential debate ever!

George W. Bush: I believe this country needs a strong lea–
Alien: Raar!
Tim Russert: It appears Alien has impaled you with his seventeenth row of teeth, Mr. President. How do you explain that to voters?

Imagine the debate! Shortest vice-presidential debate ever!

Jim Lehrer: Mr. Cheney, this next question is for you, since it appears The Predator is running late. An exit poll in the Ohio primaries showed that sixty percent of Americans did not think you had clarified your role in the Enron scandal of 2002. Would you please elaborate?
Cheney: My position is clear. The office of the Vice President maintains its right to seek advice from anonymous sources in an effort to-
(At this point a red laser beam shoots, apparently out of thin air, from the democratic vice-presidential nominee’s podium. Something glimmers like water for a moment and then is gone. Dick Cheney falls, Jim Lehrer coughs into his hand.)

Dare to dream people. A vote for Alien-Predator is a vote for America.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>