Go Fuck Yourself, Mr. Times Square IMAX

OH. Oh am I so mad about this thing.

Look, we all make mistakes. Me ESPECIALLY. We just admit them and we move on. We metaphorically throw the rest of the blueberry meuslix in the garbage and we allegorically remove it from our future shopping carts, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. So things could have been done differently. I could have seen The Dark Knight on the IMAX last summer when God intended for us to see The Dark Knight on the IMAX. That is on me. It is not like the marketers behind the movie failed in their job to let me know it was going to be in theaters. I was really really well aware of that. They should sleep well at night, The Dark Knight marketers, knowing that they thoroughly marketed that movie.

But I did not see the movie in IMAX last summer. So I was excited that it was being re-released this month. Total do over! I bought my ticket and everything. But when I got to the IMAX, totally pumped for what would obviously be a massive screen of incomparable clarity obliterating my field of vision in order to bring this darkly woven tale of an anti-hero’s battle with immeasurable cruelty, I instead found this:

Whoops. The Times Square IMAX is just a regular movie screen, except that there’s an illuminated IMAX sign hanging above the door to the theater. Perfect. And you only want 6 extra dollars for the privilege of seeing a movie here? I’m basically making money at this point. Oh, this is so infuriating. Stupid jerks! STUPIDJERKSMAX! I’m going to burn that theater to the ground. Literally. No I’m not. But you get my point. About hating it. I could have been doing so many other things last night. Like dusting my Penguin Paperback Classics collection, or seeing Dark Knight on an actual IMAX.

What a tragedy.

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