I’m Turning Into My Idea Of A Shitty Kid’s Father

I bought some blueberry meuslix at Trader Joe’s this weekend. Don’t even worry about it. Some of us think the morning is the best time of day to TREAT YOURSELF. Whatever. It was probably a mistake. I think I even knew that at the time. For one, it was too expensive. I’m not sure what the economics behind meuslix are that make it so much more expensive than regular cereal, but my guess is the spelling. X’s are expensive. In any case, it came in a bag, and even before I opened that bag this morning, I could already tell what was going to happen and then it did:

All over the floor, as well, btw. So not only is there a mess now, that was foreseen in the prophecy, the prophecy being just looking at the fucking cheap, shitty bag the cereal came in, but now also HOW TO STORE what’s left, because contrary to popular belief I do not eat a pound of cereal every morning. And what I realized was that because the bag was so obviously poorly designed, and not really intended as any kind of storage vessel beyond the shelf of the store, what’s actually happening here is an unspoken expectation on the part of Trader Joe’s and the Trader Joe’s customer that when you get the blueberry meuslix home, you’re supposed to carefully cut the bag open with a pair of Daniel Boulod kitchen scissors, and after pouring your child a bowl before he’s escorted over to the Lycee Francais de New York for a day of bi-lingual education, you’re supposed to then pour the rest of the bag into some kind of reusable jar that you have for just such an occasion, like:

Because, duh, that’s where cereal goes.

The whole thing just made kind of angry, because I recognize that certain aspects of my life as I get closer and closer to genuine old age have now become what you might describe as “yuppie-ish,” but I’m still not such an asshole that I can’t deal with the garish, unbearable sight of a sturdy American cereal box that doesn’t fall the fuck apart in my hands when I’m trying to get to the fourth hour of Today before Kathie Lee and Hoda have finished talking about all the hot topics.

Then again, I’m the asshole who bought blueberry meuslix. So fuck me.

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