WE BETTER DRUMLINE!

Look, I’ve said my share of things. We all have. I’ve made jokes about blowjobs. I’ve dropped the n-bomb. The internet is nothing if not a dumping ground for the latent adolescent impulses of people who aren’t smart enough to have real ideas. But lately I’ve been getting extraordinarily fatigued by the tendency of virtually every “humorous” male blogger (with many exceptions, duh) to refer constantly to his desire to fuck all the pretty women and how hard his boner is over everything and the general attitude of frat boy sexuality as “comedic” trope. Can we please all give it a fucking rest already?

BREAKING NEWS, HUH.

I know that it’s boring and peevish to get worked up about the lazy stylistic choices of people who are just trying to eke out a couple of laughs by the end of the day, and you’ll notice that I’m choosing not to name any names or link any links, but seriously, you guys, get all of your shit together. It’s the 2009ies. In the words of Tom Scharpling, “we have a grown up president now, it’s time to grow up.” If this shit was ever cute, it is not cute anymore. The relentless and exhausting “voice” of the contemporary on-line-diarysphere is categorically misogynistic, homophobic, and racist, none of which stances I necessarily have a problem with if it was actually funny and/or had a wittily subversive commentary to make about misogyny, homophobia, or racism, but in general it absolutely is not and does not. If you were only to pay cursory attention you’d think the entire internet was written by a slightly meaner-spirited Seth MacFarlane. It’s just so much shit fuel poured on the fart fire. And also it is boring. We need a new general style guide for internet writing. I don’t know what that style guide will actually provide in the way of structural suggestions or tonal requirements, but I think the title will be “Actually Be Good At Writing, You Fucking Idiots.”

Oh look at me, Professor Blog giving a lecture on Pots Names For Kettles. Obviously, I should not have come back. My bads.

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