“Touch My Body”: Hell Is Other People

Womp womp. Oh well. It seemed like a dream team, Mariah Carey and Jack McBrayer could have been our generation’s Katherine Hepburn and Spencer Tracy, or at least this year’s Heat-caliber casting powerhouse. Instead it is obvious that someone just said “We need a nerd, any nerd,” not realizing that they had gotten the caviar of nerds. I do like the part where the giant dining table is a set of race cars, but you could have put Mariah Carey at one end of the table and a cardboard cut-out of Urkel at the other end, same diff. I will say this, though, I do not agree with the original description [HERE] of this video being a look into the nerd’s fantasy of what it would be like to be with Mariah. On the contrary, I can tell you with the clarity and confidence that only comes from an over-priced Masters Degree in the Humanities that this is definitely Mariah’s fantasy of being with a nerd. In a fantasy, one’s Self is idealized as well as idealizing the Other. In this instance, Mariah remains the embodiment of sensuality and femininity (sex qua sex, if you will), while the nerd becomes some kind of half-retarded dog-boy (nerd qua nerd). Moreover, if it was his fantasy, the two of them would be fucking, but since it is her fantasy, the two of them are competing for camera time.

I rest my case.

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