Nightmare Before X-Mas Limousine 7 Days

I have a recurring nightmare in which I am trying to get to the airport and/or helicopter and I can’t. Either I’m stuck in traffic, or some mom #3116 is nagging me, or I don’t even know what. I can’t do it. It’s always five minutes before the flight and I’m an hour away and obs Nickleback is playing in the background because that’s when you know it’s serious. But, you guys, two new nightmares have entered my nightbrain and I can’t decide which is worse.

New Year’s Eve at a comedy club?

Ooh, a complimentary glass of wine? For a $135.00 I should get a complimentary blow job from the Amazing Jonathan (no homo.)

That’s pretty nightmare, but what about:

TAKING A SPIN CLASS IN GRAND CENTRAL STATION?

So scary. The only thing scarier than these two mindfucks of a horrible ideas would be to combine them both with the I Am Legend Zombie Cancer. That’s right. Spin Class on New Year’s Eve in a comedy club surrounded by vampires. Oh look, it’s your boyfriend sweating off those Christmas calories!

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