If there is anybody out there, anybody please, you are not alone. My name is Robert Neville. I am broadcasting on all AM frequencies, and you can also get my podcast for free download at the iTunes store. I am a survivor living in New York City. I will be at the South Street Sea Port every day at midday when the sun is highest in the sky spinning the best in undergound dub and trip hop.

Having been elected as Zombie Apocalypse Team Leader in the past, I feel that it falls to me to address Marzipandrew’s post-I Am Legend survival discussion last night, in particular the suggestion of getting an aircraft carrier and sailing around the world with the sun, so that it is never night.

1. No.
2. No.
3. Aircraft carriers cannot actually travel fast enough to keep up with the sun, and while that may change in the future, it will not change by 2012, which is when we will need it.
4. If we get an aircraft carrier, surely it will suffice to simply keep the aircraft carrier in the ocean. If/when the zombies develop the power of swim, we will cross that Zombie bridge when we Zombie get to it.
5. Marzipandrew suggested that we travel from one refueling station to the next to keep up with the sun. I couldn’t have been elected Zombie Apocalypse Team Leader all those years ago if I couldn’t see the immediate and obvious flaw with this plan. With the elimination of the world’s telecommunication system upon the collapse of world governments/infrastructure, how do you suggest we make contact with those refueling stations, much less get them on-line and ready to service our aircraft carrier. The immense amount of fuel required to chase the sun would best be reserved for powering our on-ship generators so that we can play Wii to stave off the mind-crushing despair of everyone we know being dead.

Oh, and look, it’s your boyfriend!

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