To Find Out What Really Happens When People Stop Being Polite and Start Being Kids

I have watched the first two episodes of Kid Nation (recaps here, and here), and all I have to say is: now what?

This show gives us insight into how would-be child actors fare in a heavily produced Survivor-style “reality” game show, and it also teaches us a lot about how to build a productive society (hint: colored bandannas and a candy store). Good. Duly noted, TV. But I think you can do even better. Here are a few suggestions for the coming television season:

Kid Surgery:
Find out what happens when 12 ordinary children are placed in a real operating room and forced to save lives over a 18-hour shift in Spanish Harlem. Tragedy mixes with stale coffee in this ground-breaking new reality show that explores the age old question: can kids do surgery better than highly trained adults?

Which Coffin Did We Bury Your Kid Alive In?:
A show for the whole family, this fast-paced game show-style reality program will pit parents against the clock. Each week, a new family will compete for a chance at 50,000 dollars and a renewed appreciation for life. The host, Drew Lachey, provides the parents with clues for solving the mystery of which coffin we buried their kid alive in. Clues, and also shovels.

Fuck Island:
Friendships are put to the test when six pairs of best friends are placed on a tropical island with plenty of candy, video games, alcohol and child predators. Who will stick together? Who will drown himself in the whirlpool? Who will get trampled by one of those horses you can rent on the beach on tropical islands? Who will actually like getting fucked and whoops, now their dad is in jail? There’s a reason that they call Fuck Island “Paradise Lost on Earth.”

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