The Athletic Nullus

As I am new to jiu jitsu, I have not done that much grappling, but as I have already mentioned between the iPages of this e-Diary, it’s just so gay. Wow. God bless “the gentle art,” but anything that involves “mounting your opponent” and also is called “the gentle art” is what homos do and it is called anal sex with a loving consensual partner after a long day of antiquing.

That is, it was gay, until I purchased an Athletic Nullus. An Athletic Nullus is a piece of protective sporting equipment that not only keeps your genitals safe from injury, it also makes them inaccessible for gay sex. I can’t tell you how “liberating” it was to “roll” with my “partner” without the fear of attempting an arm bar with my bare groin (because everyone knows that elbow-to-penis sex is the new crystal meth). Now I can destroy joints with no fear of questioning who I am, or what I want. Which is pussy. Right?

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