My Morning Full Metal Jacket

There is an old-school Hummer in my neighborhood. What? Hey, Gulliver, get the fuck out of
Lilliput. So today, I am walking to the subway and Major Retard is parked on the sidewalk and as I’m approaching this thing that is so dumb, I notice something is hanging from the tail-hitch. Something clearly non-functional. Decorative. It is metal. What is it? What is that thing? OH, I see what it is, it is a pair of BALLS made out of STEEL. Nice. The only thing Lt. J. Ass needs now is a bumper sticker that says “How Is My Being a Piece of Shit? Call 1-800-I-SUUUCK”

Then on the train there was this guy who was yelling at everyone about how in prison you only get two slices of dry toast so why don’t you GIVE HIM YOUR SEAT?

This morning was all about feeling like I am in that scene in Batman Begins where the Scarecrow blows up all that fear cocaine on that island and I am trapped with all these people being like “if you’re going to kill me, just kill me. But do you really have to be a demon with a face made of worms and molten lead?”

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