So, after the show last night everyone moved over to the bar for a drink. After maybe an hour or so, these four girls showed up looking a bit out of place, like “this-is-my-favorite-dress-who-are-these-slobs-it’s-not-tuesday-it’s-saturday” out of place. One of them was really frantic in her denim mini-skirt, like…crazed? Like yelling “HEY EVERYBODY, LISTEN!” all the time? To a room of strangers? There was a microphone in a corner of the room and she tried to get the microphone to work but it wouldn’t so she would yell again and then finally got the bartender to come over and turn the microphone on? At which point I’m just thinking “oh, fuuuuuuuck” because I know for a fact that I will not care what it is that this girl has to say, and that she feels she needs a microphone to say it is a very bad sign.
“Everybody, there are two special occasions we are celebrating tonight. First, we have birthday girl Sarah Shields in the house. WOOOOOO! Second of all, we need you all to be quiet because we have two of the stars of The Agency with us tonight, and the show is starting right now!”
First of all, if I was on a second-tier VH1 show and I wanted to have a viewing party, I would BRING MORE THAN THREE PEOPLE with me. Moreover, I would not act all offended and confused that a bunch of people who were minding their own business don’t give a shit about a show that is like a cross between America’s Next Top Model and eye cancer. My opinions, which I feel are God-given, were not shared by the waitress, who blasted the TV’s audio and kicked us all out of the bar. It was actually a little heartbreaking when microphone girl was like “No, we want you guys to stay, we just want you to be excited about the show with us,” and it was like “don’t you see that WE CAN’T?”
My only solace from this basic cable Abu Grhaib was as I closed my tab and the show went to commercial I yelled “YOU GUYS, SHUT UP, MY PIER-1 COMMERCIAL IS ON.”