Inedible Underwear

I was at the bodega last night buying one cucumber and a box of cereal because that is how I roll. While I was waiting in line, I noticed on the shelf behind the Russian salesgirl, mixed in with the imported chocolates and truffle oils, a box containing a candy g-string. This is a g-string made out of candy, the kind of candy they make candy necklaces out of. Not only is that like making a g-string out of those bead-massage chair coverings that cabbies use for their sciatica, it’s also disgusting candy. But I was looking at this thing and thinking about the “string” part of “g-string,” i.e. the thin branch of candy that goes up someone’s butt. Now I can’t get the image of that poop candy out of my head.

It also came in “bra.”

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