No one that I spend any time with does jive handshakes, which means if I am experiencing a jive handshake it is with someone I’m just meeting. Now why on Earth would you think that I’d want to spend any more time having physical contact with any part of your body than I absolutely need to? Why does your handshake have to take five minutes? And is snapping your fingers really so cool that you have to make it an even more elaborate two-person procedure and then give me a dirty look when it doesn’t work?
I will admit that a certain amount of liberal guilt allows me to overlook a jive handshake from a real-life black person. But when you are white and “working on your dredlocks” and want to tell me how fucking unbeatable Midnight Marauders is, and then you go real deep on my hand like we’re in some secret society of unexplainable assholes, I want to lynch you.