When the Job Hunt Becomes the Job Hunted


10. On your resume, you listed one of your qualifications as being a 7th-level Elfin Sorcerer.

9. In the interview process you make reference to your high level of “bangability.”

8. When asked to list your strengths and weaknesses, even your mom had trouble with the strengths section. Even your MOM. Really the only strength she was confidant about was your ability to ask questions. Who can’t ask questions?

7. Under “work experience” you crossed out “work” and put in “The Jimi Hendrix” with a picture of a smiley face smoking a joint.

6. Sometimes you can spice up your resume by listing your interests. It’s a way to let employers know a little bit about you as a person. But when all you have listed is “Simpsons reruns” and “giving chicks dutch ovens” maybe the less they know the better.

5. Cheetos fingers.

4. While everyone respects a certain amount of ambition, maybe “To be the most kick-ass ass-kicker that kicks so much ass he is crowned king of Asslandia and rules with an iron f**king foot” is not a realistic objective. Still, kudos on cleaning up the language with asterisks.

3. Sega is not a computer literacy.

2. Which part of your racist, homophobic, sexist blog that deals primarily with how bad everyone at your last job sucked do you think is going to be most appealing to employers?

1. Nice Corona t-shirt. Where did you get it? Oh, Señor Frogs? And you just wore that right to the interview? Oh, I see, you’re still drunk.

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