Pussy Dolls

BREAKING: Pussycat Dolls Love Pussy

I don’t know why we need to keep coming back to the Pussycat Dolls, but apparently these million dollar aerobics instructors are the biggest enigmas in pop music today. In the latest installment, we come up against their new single, “Beep.” First, let’s watch the music video:

On a purely imagistic level, let’s break this shit down: pretty girl gets into industrial elevator in what must be a pretty rough neighborhood not yet overrun by the Starbucksian forces of gentrification. So she can take care of herself. While riding the elevator, a famous metrosexual/shitty musician hits on her. She laughs at him. She finally reaches her apartment, where she lives with a bunch of beautiful, flexible women. She gives one of them a very butch fist-to-fist empowerment greeting. The famous man is left to listen to records by himself on headphones, presumably because his neighbors, the women, hate his music and have beaten him up in the past. He knows when to keep to himself. 

Cut to: getting ready for the club. One of the girls gives another girl a roundkick to the ribs. It is playful but the message is clear: I’m a killing machine. The girls, still in their work-out garb, do some warm up dances that are very confrontational, and also flirtatious. They get in each other’s faces, they slap each other’s behinds. This is what is popularly referred to as “foreplay.” The famous man rides an emasculating children’s bike alone in the hallways. The girls perform a workout routine. The famous man purcheas a cola and watches the girls dance. When he is spotted, one of the girls throws a bottle at his head.

Cut to: at the club. The girls arrive…together…in some kind of militaristic formation. They begin a synchronized, highly agressive dance that lets everyone in the club know that they can look, but they better not touch. (Remember: roundkick to ribs). The girls pair off and pretend to fuck each other violently. Actually, if you pay careful attention, there aren’t even any men in the club anways. Just women, in underwear. Oh wait, the famous man is at the club, but as usual he is by himself, sitting on an ottoman and wondering if he will ever get laid again. The girls get together and take some party pictures. This is to capture the memory of a great night out before going home and licking each other’s vaginas.

And now, some lyrics:

Every boy’s the same
Since I been in the seventh grade
They been trying to get with me
Trying to (Ha, ha-ha, ha, ha-ha)
They always got a plan
To be my one and only man
Want to hold me with their hands
Want to (Ha, ha-ha, ha, ha-ha)
I keep turning them down
But, they always come around
Asking me to go around
That’s not the way it’s going down

Okay, so the heroine of the song is used to getting hit on by boys (and I’m just going to make the extension that men have also hit on her), but she always turns them down. Why? Let’s keep reading:

Ooh, you’ve got it bad I can tell
You want it bad, but oh well
Dude, what you got for me
Is something I
Something I don’t need

If one is capable of filling in the “beeps” that riddle the song, what “you” has for “me” in this verse is a “penis” for my “vagina.” But I don’t need that. Why? Because I’m a dyke.

And scene.

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