Teen People Answers Your Questions About Chris Brown’s Sexual Orientation

Dear Teen People,

Last week I was out on the town with some friends. As I passed by a shoe store a young man stared at me. It was clear that he worked there because he was having an argument with his boss. It was not so clear if he would continue working there, as he appeared to have trouble showing up to work on time. Now that I think about it, it’s not unlikely that he has had an entire string of jobs he’s been unable to hold down due to his immaturity and his poor work ethic because he wasn’t even listening to what his boss was saying. I bet he got fired.

Anyway, as I continued walking I realized I was being followed. Not only was I being followed, I was being dance-followed. It was the employee from the shoe store! He was dance chasing me down the street, but there was no music. He seemed to have some kind of mp3 Bean that he is listening to, and singing along with. It was totally creepy. He dance followed me for SO LONG.

My friends and I decided to go watch some boys play basketball, and this CREEP dance followed me right onto the court, and then he interrupted everyone’s game by doing a big dance off with himself right in the middle of everything. It was a wonder that no one beat the shit out of this punk-ass fool. I sat on the bleachers and wonder what the deal was with this guy, who just kept dancing. He was staring right at you. And all I could think was Why doesn’t he take a break from all this dancing, and WHY DOESN’T HE STOP STARING AT ME OR AT LEAST BLINK?

My friends had obviously noticed the dancing shoe salesman by now, and they were jokingly talking about how he should be my boyfriend, and then THEY DITCHED ME! BITCHES! For some reason, though, I had been ensorceled by this dancing service industry worker and his magic mp3 Bean. I invited him into the backseat of my mom’s SUV because I don’t even have a driver’s license yet, but my mom left the SUV conveniently parked at the basketball court just in case I needed somewhere to make out. I was totally going in for the kiss, over and over, but this man would not kiss me. He just kept singing about wanting to dance with me, but never sealed the deal. WHY YOU WANT TO DANCE WHEN YOU COULD HAVE ALL THIS THAT I AM OFFERING YOU?

Is my new boyfriend, Chris Brown, a homosexual?

Sincerely,
Confused Hottie

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