Worker #3116 v. Jake from Accounts Payable

With the recent withdrawal of Harriet Miers as a candidate for the Supreme Court of the United States, the Greatest Country on Earth, it is now up to President Bush to once more nominate an able-bodied citizen to the highest court in the land.

Throughout the confirmation proceedings of recent months, both in the diastrous Miers nomination, and the much more successful John Roberts nomination to Chief Justice, one issue comes up time and again: the right to privacy. It was under the auspices of a constitutional right to privacy that Roe v. Wade, the landmark “baby killing” case of 1973, was decided.

While baby killing is a volatile issue, there are two separate, much more important right to privacy issues at stake, both of which MUST be addressed by this President if he wants to be reelected for a historic third term. These, of course, are my personal privacy issues with going to the bathroom and talking on the phone. I would like Mr. Bush to nominate an intelligent, insightful, and American justice to the Supreme Court. But whoever that person is, I want them to immediately enact strict federally-enforced laws guarding my right to go to the bathroom without anyone else being in there (and that goes double for you, Jake from Accounts Payable. You know we all call you the Great Evacuator, right?), and ensuring that no one is ever allowed to hear one single word I speak over the phone to another party, unless I specifically decree that they may do so.


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