I just encountered a temp in the bathroom. Clown Coffee has nicknamed him “The Troll,” but I am still debating between two other nickname candidates: Balding Weeble Wobble, and Mr. Potato Body. Anyhow, I saw Mr. Potato Body in the bathroom, coming out of a stall. He turned on the water for half of a second. Pst. No more. And walked out. Now, look, I’m sure he’s not the only foul monster in this building who goes to the bathroom and doesn’t wash his hands. In fact, I have a feeling that I’d score 80% accuracy in the Hot Caff if I were to point out walking e. coli transport vehicles. But if you’re going to be that way, all nasty and offensive, do it when you are alone in the bathroom. Grin to yourself as you leave, thinking no one knows that when I shake their hand or lay a file on their desk that later they will inadvertently be eating some of my excrement when they chomp into a Crunchwrap Supreme without washing their hands. But if someone else is in the bathroom with you, bite the big bullet and use soap. If you’re all super nefarious, like you know someone has seen you leave the stall, but you simply refuse to wash your hands because the puerile delight of smearing shit all over your work station because you’re a temp and it makes you mad and you just want to fuck everyone up is too strong, then have the intelligence to at least pretend so that I am not onto your plan. Leave the water running for THREE seconds, and use some paper towel to fake dry your fake wet hands.
NEW NICKNAME CONFIRMED: Edward Poop Hands.