Are You Keeping Track? Are You Keeping Track? Cuz I Am Not!

I don’t remember a lot of things, but I do remember these things:

1. Getting round-kicked in the elbow and promptly suffering from a severe case of elbow cancer.

2. Chopper Corey, S. Middlekauf, Rod, and a bunch of other black-hooded-sweatshirt wearing kids arriving at a party and Mary Fiore saying that she felt like “The bad kids [had] just showed up,” after which the bad kids promptly built a two-foot-high gravel and broken glass mound in a driveway, blocking in all the cars.

3. Fluorescent green shoelaces. Mission accomplished.

4. Rachel’s car getting towed and then the part where we got into a cab and the cab-driver said “Worker #3116?” and see addendum on cab-driver below.

5. Mémé #3116 using her now classic line, “If I was a little bit younger, and not your grandmother, I would make a pass at you.”

6. Shooting the bottles with the b.b. gun one-handed so that I am elected Zombie Apocalypse Team Leader, but then having Australia-This-Australia-That keep yelling fucking “FLOWERS!” at me so that I know on the day that the Zombie Apocalypse does comeâ??which is soonâ??I will only be mildly sorry that she got eaten by the zombies in so much as I would feel bad watching any human life extinguished in horrific gore before my eyes. But nothing more than that. Flowers this.

7. Coming to work and having one of the first things to come out of Clown Coffee’s mouth be: “You want to fuck around, you’ve got to fuck through me.”

Cab-driver Addendum: When Cab-driver and I were in Elementary School, he invited me over to his house to play a superhero based roll-playing game. I’d been really intrigued by roll-playing games because my cousin had given me a rule book for a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles roll-playing game that was based on the original Eastman and Laird Turtles, who seemed pretty bad ass. When I got to Cab-driver’s house, his mom had a diseased foot that she was soaking in Epsom salts, and there was a little barky dog that was apparently allowed to poop on the couch. Cab-driver’s mom acted as the “Dungeon Master” or whatever you would call it for a roll-playing game about superheroes. Anyhow, the only thing I really remember was that every time one of us met a female character in the game, Cab-driver’s mom would ask if we wanted to fuck the female character, and then we would have to roll the dice to see if we were successful. Talk about pressure to perform! Anyhow, later in the evening my mom called Cab-driver’s mom, and I was not invited over anymore, because I was that kid.

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