What’s Grosser Than Gross?

Does anyone remember the series of “Grosser Than Gross” jokes that circulated first through the halls of Tappan Middle School and then throughout the world?

I’ll give you an example:
What’s grosser than a pile of dead babies?
A live one trying to eat his way out.

And there was another one that is on my mind this morning:

What’s grosser than eating a jar of mayonnaise?
Finding a used condom at the bottom.

Now, I’ll admit that finding a used condom at the bottom of a jar of mayonnaise is certainly gross. But it’s not that much grosser than eating a jar of mayonnaise, which is SUPER GROSS. I mean, let’s say eating a jar of mayonnaise is like a 10 on the gross scale, well, then finding a used condom at the bottom bumps it up to an 11. That’s only a ten percent increase on our inveterate gross scale.

I think, too, that this is a comedic form that deserves a come-back. So I urge you to use this space to create your own grosser-than-gross jokes, and simple descriptions of Fear Factor stunts do not count. If I remember correctly, there is often a third tier to these masterpieces, i.e. finding a used condom at the bottom…What’s grosser than that? Having your Dad walk into the kitchen and say “hey, what are you doing with my old condom?” Also, I’ve just noticed that grosser than gross jokes tend to have something to do with eating something, so keep that in mind as you create your own.

So, to get things started I will write the first new grosser-than-gross joke of the new millenium:

What’s grosser than filling the toilet with diarrhea?
Finding a whole peanut in it, washing it off, and eating it again.
What’s grosser than that?
Having your Dad walk into the bathroom and saying “why are you eating a peanut out of my diarrhea?” and suddenly realizing that it’s not your diarrhea at all, that the toilet was already full when you came in to get a kleenex for your nose bleed, which you have been collecting in a glass to wash down the peanut.

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