Look, I Rule. That’s Just a Fact. Proof? I Just Told You That I Rule, How’s That for PROOF?!

Did anybody else hear my Secretary of Defense the Rumsfeld on NPR’s Morning Edition today? God, the man is a magician with language! Why, I could have sworn the interviewer, Steve Inskeep, had really cornered my secretary of defense when he asked him about a Government Accountability Office report that gives the lie to msodtr’s claim that over 140,000 Iraqi troops have been trained by pointing out that tens of thousands of those forces have abandoned their posts. Tricky one to slip out of, no? Maybe for you, tardo, but not for my Rumsfeld. “I haven’t read the report,” he began. BOOM! He HASN’T read it. You can’t corner a man on a fact if he hasn’t read about it! Then he let loose a barrage of awesome information, showing that he knows more than everyone about everything. “We spend a lot of time on this, and we know what we’re talking about.” BLAMMO! Ever heard of a tautological argument, Steve Bitchkeep?! “We don’t subtract from the United States military the number of people who may be in jail, or who may be AWOL.” You’re probably wondering, “so why would we do it with Iraqi forces?” HIS POINT EXACTLY. Again, Steve Bitchkeep tries to reign in my secretary, reminding him that the number of US troops in jail or AWOL is most certainly not in the tens of thousands. “[Long fucking pause] What we present is accurate, and the figures currently are something over 140,000, that’s just a fact…It’s less than that by some margin, but it’s gone from 0 up to that.” WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT A TAUTOLOGICAL ARGUMENT, MR. RADIO LIBERAL BIG SHOT MEDIA DISTORTER? You can’t argue or logicalize your way out of a tautological uppercut like the ones I am delivering to you!

I love you, Mr. Rumsfeld, you and your magic brain that could turn the rivers into ice cream and every horse into a flying unicorn if only it so desired.

Also, black celebrities, no more murders for you. I think you know what I’m talking about.

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