Three Things About Radios:
1. If you have trouble getting up in the morning, might I suggest setting your alarm to a radio station that will play “Hollaback Girl” at the designated time? Then, if you make it difficult to turn the stereo off, why, you’ll be springing up to greet the new day with the energy of a sixteen-year-old!
2. Last night I was coming home just when “Trapped in the Closet (Chapter 2 of 5)”* came on the radio. I hadn’t heard it yet, so I was obviously very excited, and sat in my driveway listening to it. Later in the evening, McCullen and I talked about making a “Trapped in the Closet” cover band, where he learns the lyrics and how to play the song on the guitar, and I stand in the background making that “bwooop!” drip noise. We could open for Kelly Caldwell.
3. The topic on the Morning Zoo was “do guys find funny girls sexy, or do they resent the competition,” which incited one of the DJs to affirm that he didn’t think girls were naturally funny. “They have funny moments,” he said, “but they’re not funny per se.” That got the phone lines ringing. First a girl called in to complain, saying that she really resented the fact that the DJ was saying that girls weren’t funny, and that she’s really funny, but she said all of this in the least funny way possible. So one of the DJs finally asked, “How do you know you’re funny?” “Because people tell me I’m funny all the time, like at work, and stuff…Funny is about being really silly, and having a sharp wit, and just being free to laugh.” They told her to have a funny day and hung up on her. Then a guy called in and said that his wife liked to make jokes, but that then he would make awesome come-backs, and he was starting to think that maybe he was going too far. One of the two girl DJs used this as evidence that “funny and funny in a relationship doesn’t work.” Then another DJ asked the husband for an example of what he said, which got this:
“Like, the other day, this friend asked ‘Do your sexual preferences change, after you’re married?’ And I was like, ‘When you’ve been with someone for so long, it’s like throwing a hot dog down a hallway.’”
Not only is this joke gross, it doesn’t even make sense. Like, he’s saying what? That he crawls up inside his wife’s vagina with his whole entire body and then does some weird kind of flicking motion with his penis? His wife’s vagina is so stretched out that he could run a housekeeping cart through it? I don’t know why, but when I heard this I pictured a hallway at a hotel.
Then a woman called in and she had this awesome piece of wisdom to share:
“I disagree with what y’all is sayin’, because I just can’t believe that God granted man the funny-bone, and woman the cooking-bone. It ain’t like that.”
When you listen to the Morning Zoo for so long, it’s like throwing your brain down a hallway.
*Lyrics to be posted soon.