Now, time for the “Corporate Casual Daily News Roundup!”
First off, we have a tie for the Corporate Casual Daily News Roundup Headline of the Day, or the aptly acrosticised CCDNRHOTD.
Court Pours Cold Water on Porn Law
(taken from the Washington Post)
is neck-and-neck with
‘We Want to Fly!’ Cubans Chant
(taken from the Chicago Sun Times)
These are totally excellent headlines, and the headline writers at the aforementioned estimable publications should be commended for their way with words, and human emotion.
The CCDNRAOTD, or Corporate Casual Daily News Roundup Article of the Day is a clear cut winner:
Pizza Deliveryman Loses Fight to Stay in U.S.
(taken from Capital News 9)
“A Pakistani man who lived in New York — and who was detained after taking pictures of a reservoir after 9/11 — has lost his appeal to stay in the U.S.
Immigration and Customs Enforcement authorities said no terror charges were ever filed, but that the man helped a Pakistani couple who had expired visas. He co-signed a lease and registered a car for the couple.
Supporters of Ansar Mahmood said he was just trying to be a good friend. Immigration officials said he chose to break the same law that allowed him to immigrate.
He was arrested after walking up to a guard at a water treatment plant and asking if the guard would take his picture.
Mahmood said he regularly sent scenic Hudson Valley photos — and his earnings — to family overseas.
I’m surprised that the “he was just trying to be a good friend” defense did not work. But more importantly, I really really like the fact that not one mention is even made of this man’s work as a pizza deliveryman, much less which pizza company he delivers for. Way to go, Capitol News 9, for piquing my interest and then deflating it slowly, like the way a balloon deflates when you poke a hole in it and then hold your finger over the hole and only let a little bit of air out at a time.
Finally, the Corporate Casual Daily News Roundup Big Tool of the Day goes to the kid in Florida who turned in his teacher for having sex with him. You are an idiot, my man. She wanted your tiny, hairless bod, she gave you hers, and you turned her in. Maybe you should think about working for Al Qaeda, since clearly having sex with a hot, tattoed older woman in the back of an S.U.V. while your cousin drives you around isn’t satisfying enough, you American-freedom hater. And just so you know, I know that the press isn’t allowed to disclose your name in order to protect your juvenile privacy, but the very real danger is that once all the other fourteen year-old boys in the world find out who you are they are going to kick your fucking ass.
No more news.